I've been experiencing pain for the past year to varying degrees. It goes from mild discomfort to paralyzing pain. My doctors have done every test imaginable counless scanners, blood work, an MRI and the dreaded camera down the stomach (fribroscopy).
The good news is the cancer isn't back, the bad news is, there seems to be a blockage where the new connection was made to what's left of my Pancreas and that's what causing the pain.
I met with the surgeon that did the initial surgery today and the only solution he can offer is removing the piece of pancreas i have left. Here's where the rock and the hard place comes in, removing what's left of the pancreas would solve the pain, but I'd be diabetic and have to deal with all that that entails...
It's not a decision to take ligthly, I'm on meds to manage the pain, that make me drowsy. I shouldn't be operating heavy machinery drowsy. It's a question of quality of life versus quality of life.
The good news is the cancer isn't back, the bad news is, there seems to be a blockage where the new connection was made to what's left of my Pancreas and that's what causing the pain.
I met with the surgeon that did the initial surgery today and the only solution he can offer is removing the piece of pancreas i have left. Here's where the rock and the hard place comes in, removing what's left of the pancreas would solve the pain, but I'd be diabetic and have to deal with all that that entails...
It's not a decision to take ligthly, I'm on meds to manage the pain, that make me drowsy. I shouldn't be operating heavy machinery drowsy. It's a question of quality of life versus quality of life.
In all honesty i was hoping for something else, some quick fix. Some miracle where we get rid of the pain and i still get to keep my partial pancreas.....
I'm greatfull to be counted among the few who survived this dreaded desease, but i'm exhausted, i'm tired of being sick and showing a brave face. what i wouldn't give for one week- even just a couple of days- of not being sick, no pain, no nausea, no diarrhea, no constipation, no fevers, bloating of gas.... for just one meal, where i don't have to lie down in order to get over the discomfort digesting is....
The surgeon comes back to the island and wants to see me again in November. In the meantime the gastro-entorologist gave me more meds *sigh*.
I feel a sense of urgency, like i should be headed to the airport now on a trip around the world and I never did have that baby i wanted, you know the one i refused to have chemo in order to have. Have i run out of time? Why do i feel like someone just said 'game over'?
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