I haven't posted in forever. Been busy Living life. I advanced in my career to become a manager/kitchen designer which i enjoyed tremendously but the stress was too much. I was living for the job and no longer living. Exercise helped but in the long run it would have affected my health in a negative way. I now do bookkeeping, which is a lot less creative and a serious pay cut but my stress levels were reduced by a billion.
I've traveled since i last updated, to the states twice (Michigan and Las Vegas), to neighboring islands and to South Africa. I'm sure the pay cut will affect my travels but i still aim to see the world. I want to touch the great wall of china, i want to climb mount Kilimanjaro, see the gorillas in the Congo, the birth place of Jesus, the pyramids, swim with the sharks down under and float down on a gondola in Venice Italy and that's just the beginning......
Health wise i have ups and downs. I have some cysts on my pancreas which have diminished in size on my last scans in July just before my African Trip, good or bad i was going! My next scans will be in January. I still have 'digestive issues'. I was home from work for a week last month with extreme stomach burnings and vomiting. I could not keep anything down, not even water. Blood work came back OK, so my MD diagnosed a stomach flu. Which for some is no case for alarm, but in my case it always brings me back to this time last year when i was extremely ill and doctors could not figure out what was wrong.
Finally this week a doctor was able to confirm to me what i suspected all along, my weight gain (pre-op i weighed 165lbs - now 128lbs) was due to the tumor.
I thank God every day for life and health and strenght, things could have gone totally the wrong way.
I'm still living with the consequences of having a 1/3 to 1/4 of a Pancreas. I will most likely have to take digestive enzymes for the rest of my life. Diabetes is a concern, so my blood is tested ever so often. I have to be careful what i eat (avoid greasy foods, digesting them is a nigthmare i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy) and i walk/jog 5 times a week, aerobics 3 times a week (starting again in Jan 09).
I've learned to purge toxic people from my life, and appreciate people who genuinely care about me and my well being. I've become guarded in some respects, especially with people i perceive to be out for their own interests, and not the greater good. I still haven't found that special someone to share my life with but i haven't given up. 33 (sigh I'll be 33 in 28 days) is wayyyyyyy to early to give up :-)
I don't regret the experience of having cancer, but i do feel i should be immune from anything from a paper cut to having my heart broken to any other major illnesses. It's not realistic but i do have that sense of entitlement. I went through difficulty and was strong, i should never see difficulty ever again. I know it's not realistic. I just got my heart broken so i know it's not realistic. I'll get over it, in time. I do feel I'm due some joy, some wondrous in your face joy!
I'm often heard saying: 'I didn't survive cancer to get killed by -insert non cancer and rediculous way of dying here-'. :-). I didn't always have a sense of humor about it. Just a year ago i still couldn't talk about it without tearing up.
I feel i have a new lease on life and i tend to enjoy and take advantage of it. Whoever's not along to enjoy the ride, there are frequent stops so they can get off at will. :-)
Comments