I had my check up on December 4Th, the scans were clear but they were unable to administer the contrasting agent which freaked me out how hard is it to get a vein and what kind of a lab tech are you if you can't, so i did not put much faith in the results but the lad doctor, my GP and oncologists were all satisfied. While i agonized about the scans my blood work was cause for concern. My oncologists are concerned with my hemoglobin levels which dropped bellow normal pretty rapidly and suddenly. They ordered more blood work and i go to see a blood specialist in February.
I'm trying to stay positive and hope it's just a mild case of anemia and nothing to worry about.
I've been a difficult time staying positive recently and have felt the need to talk to others who could really relate, so I'm looking into support groups but there aren't any here for cancer survivors, there is talk of one starting for breast cancer survivors and although that's not the type i had I've been asked to join. So I'm waiting for them to start up.
In the meantime i have found some online forums
The John Hopkins site
and this french health board
Today a poster posted the following which just touched me so much i thought I'd share with his permission of course
"I have seen posted time and again, survivors of pancreatic cancer....
Survivors...
I realize that it is an incredible battle, I know this 2ND hand from watching my wife duel with the dragon and lose. I have seen others go rounds with it, and survive their battle, Rainmaker being one of the few of those hearty knights.
But then I listen to them, and the battle has not been without its toll on those that survive, that raking of its claws or the flames of its breath. It has left many sore, haggard, bleeding, looking for respite wherever they may find it. But here is the amazing part.
You are alive.
So with that in mind, take off your armor, carry with you your sword, but walk away and begin to live. Put a sign on the door saying 'on vacation' and go live. For how long one might ask...
For the rest of your life.
Here is the point. out there somewhere, for you survivors, the dragon lays in wait, but for today, for right now, he sleeps. So while he is sleeping, dance.
Do that boog-a-loo. Get down and get funky. Get some fresh air, go to the Caribbean and show Gigi how to do it right. Meditate, waste a day on the beach, or on a forest trail. Over do it. Grab that spouse of yours and do that thing you do to show them that the fat lady ain't sung yet. Grab those kids and go camping. (take your enzymes too). Go to a rooftop and have a romantic glass of water with your spouse. Waste a day being happy, then relish it. Walk around the block and enjoy the fact you can. Turn off that TV and go see what the real world can offer. throw a ball to your son, have tea with your daughter. Call that parent you haven't talked to in 10 years and have that conversation you never had. Call that military buddy and laugh about the odd things you did. Walk the halls of your old high school and capture some of that magic you had as a teenager. Go skydiving. Go scuba or snorkeling. Do whatever you can to truly enjoy the day. Get crazy. Act crazy.
But above all.
Live.
Right now. close up the computer and get on it. You have right now, other than that, no guarantees.
After all, you might get hit by a bus this afternoon, and ruin that dragons plans for you....
My hope for you all is that as long as you are alive, you are as happy as you can possibly make yourself.
Erick"
Erick"
So i will take Erick's advice and LIVE! Live for today and not worry so much about tomorrow and what may or may not happen. Living every day to it's fullest! I think i finally found myself a New years resolution for 2007= LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH!
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